I was sitting in my dining room reading, annotating my bible when a thought came tumbling in. My sister and I should go for a walk (in my mind I could see us smiling, laughing and talking amidst rows of oak trees and sububan homes). Some simple, undistracted quality time. Something I had desired for sometime, and felt I hadn’t had the best of in my time holidaying in Melbourne, visiting her.
Cool, let’s do this, that should be nice, was the little thought in my mind, relatively trivial and innocent as a thought in and of itself.
Although, the image of expectation had created a vice, as a seed, grew into a tremendously unneccesary argument.
She didn’t feel like going for a walk, there were other alternatives for us to spend time together. No, I wanted to walk, among flowers with a coffee in hand, smiling, perfect. Imaginary.
Wam. Pride, triggered. Thus began an argument. I was struck how self righteous I was being half way through the argument in thinking “this is absurd, I only want to spend some quality time with her, flippin’ heck”, not realising I wasn’t being loving and listening to branch that, that initial desire stemmed from. Love.
How ridiculous, expectation distorting the motivation for an act of love. It, the desire pure in itself, reaching out in transparency, so I may know you better, sister, but forgetting to let that initial motivation outdo the pride I attached to my own righteousnes in my expectation.
How can this not reflect our relationship with God sometimes? We hear his voice on a part of our lives, a word of prophetic truth, to listen to him here and speak there. Sometimes, before we know it we have fallen into a trap of establishing expectations, especially on how other people may react, the confidence in our own (I call it) incredously incapable human agency.
People are complex, beautiful and inexcapably shaped by their context. Expectations are our downfall in how we relate to other, and I mean in the form of prejudice and assumptions. Good or bad.
Humility exists in the vacume of clarity and removed expectation.
It begins with trust In what our beautiful God can do and what we cannot – may my king Jesus be glorified.